Dear Tourists,
Thank you for coming to Washington, D.C. We have a great many monuments, galleries, museums, governmental buildings, restaurants, and parks we hope you will visit during your stay.
For our part, we will brush off our cobwebs and try to put on a good face while you’re here. We will ask you if you need directions and eat at odd hours in order to stay out of your way as you make reservations.
But, please, please, PLEASE do us one favor: When riding the Metro escalators, please stand on the right and walk on the left. It’s the same concept as driving on the highway, except in this case, you’re the little old lady who can’t see over the steering wheel puttering along in the left lane 10 miles an hour under the speed limit.
We are home to the longest escalators in the Western Hemisphere (Wheaton’s at 230 feet), and the natives get grumpy when we can’t get past you, causing us to miss our trains.
Thank you for your consideration,
A D.C. resident
Amen! We need a little announcement like they have at airports:
“The escalator is for your traveling convenience. Please stand to the right so that others may walk past you on the left. Thank you for your cooperation.
“But I can’t stand next to my buddies to look at the cheesy tourist map of diplomats’ outhouses!”
And while they’re at it, could they also stay off the roads? Or maybe they can avoid poor parallel parking, as well – we residents don’t like folks who take up 1.5 spaces in residential areas.
Comment by random duck 03.31.05 @ 12:37 pmI prefer this announcement at airports:
Comment by forepac 03.31.05 @ 2:50 pmMale announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female announcer: Don’t you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male announcer: Look Betty, don’t start up with your white zone shit again. There’s just no stopping in a white zone.